In This issue

December 3rd, 2009

my life thus far

12/3/09 02:35 am

sorry i haven't posted in a while. i have no excuse other then i just haven't felt like writing. i don't know who (if anyone) reads these anymore but i guess if it just goes as far as the universe.. i'm content.

i've been of on STIP or the last week and a half and i've taken this time to reflect on my life and all that has gone into it at this point. i wish my conclusions have been earth shattering but they really haven't. i've taken the oppertunity to get caught up on various projects that have been "roundtoits" for a while now and took the time to reflect on my life.

i've come to some conclusions.

1. i don't like my job. i'm not a banker. i'm not cut OUT to be a banker. i love the customer service aspects but the banker thing is like wearing a shoe that's too small. the fatal flaw of this is that i can hear my mother's voice in my head telling me that i ought to be lucky to have any job at all.
so... what do i do?
i can look for another job that fits my particular skillset.. it's not like the old days where they won't hire you based on your disability.. or i can stay with the hands i have.. a safety net. i bat around the idea of the comic shop.. but then i can't take that gamble on my mortgage or patsy's good graces.
it's one thing to say she'll support me in my dreams.. another thing to do it when the comic shop isn't making enough money to cover it's own overhead and make my part of the mortgage.
i'll still look into it but it's not fair to patsy to make the comic shop plan a.

2. i'm stressed about my housing issues. i have a big house with lots of room.. true. i also have one border who's paying and another who really hasn't paid anything since last december. he helps around the house, sure... but it would all go alot better if he were to come up with some of the rent money he owes. it would go a long way to covering the shortage that my job doesn't pay me as well as easing some of the house overhead that patsy has had to cover.

3. i've asked this of patsy and now i put it out to the universe. last october i lost my mom. we were close and it was a real blow. this was rapidly followed by all the drama over the window and work being what it is.. add to that the continuing drama that is roomate issues and i'm wondering i a lot of what i'm feeling isn't some form of post traumatic stress syndrome.
this has all been a lot to have to handle in a short period of time. so.. i wonder if i'm okay... or if not okay.. weather i'll be okay anytime soon.

i'm gonna wrap this up for tonight. i'll blog more tomorrow after i've rested some.

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December 2nd, 2009

grumpy old man

12/2/09 04:17 pm

as i've turned 40.. i realize that i'm turning into a grumpy old man. music is too damn loud.. kids are too damn stupid and the shit they peddle off as t.v these days is utterly rediculous.
yes.. i'm oficially a grumpy old man so these are some of the things and topics that are making/keeping me grumpy.
(besides, i probably should vent to someone OTHER then patsy.. poor dear has enough on her mind with work and marshall.

1, TWILIGHT: what the fuck is this???? i've sat thru the first hour of the movie and read the synopsis on wikipedia and i STILL don't get it. sooo.. a vampire and a werewolf fight to try and exert influence that would be considered as controlling stalkerish on a high school student who (at best) would be considered a spoiled tool.. and this is considered gothic romance???? REALLY?????? do tweens have nothing better to do? jesus. stephanie mayer deserves to be locked in a room and have "atlas shrugged" piped thru on a continuous loop or about a month, vampires do NOT sparkle and sneaking into someone's room to watch them sleep isn't romantic... it's creepy and stalkerish.
note to all tweens: please find another obsession.... fast.

2.REALITY T.V: patsy and john have recently taken to watching Canadas worst driver/handyman and survivor. i don't get ANY of these shows. survivor is the same thing it's always been. a bunch of people who have seen the show before get dropped of on an island where they are given full permission to backstab,lie,cheaqt and steal and generally act like complete douchebags.. and people are STILL shocked by thier lack of honesty and integrity.. especially the other players. THEY make me laugh the hardest.. " how DARE you stab me in the back and lie to me" s/he says as s/he hides his own knife under the pillow. really??? you're surprised by this??? this is kinda like signing on for the alaska tour and then being surprised by the snow.
as for canada's worst reality shows... i understand the appeal of the shows themselves.. like survivor, they are aimed at the lowest common denominator. you watch to laugh at the other people. that i get. but does the host have to be such a snarky prick ALLL the time on both shows? really.. watch the shows and see.. the host comes off as a condesending dick thru every episode. they don't know how to do these things.. they look like they arn't really getting instruction.. and they're being rediculed publicly by this loser on top of it all.
what a waste of time.

3.KID'S T.V: specifically super hero squad. this half hour crapfest takes the heroes of the marvel universe and dumps them all into one city and lowers thier collective i.q of EVERYONE to just over "drooling on the pillow" level. mole man FARTS... can you believe that???
is this what we think of our kids nowadays that we have to spoon feed them this pablum under the pretext of entertainment?
i personally think you CAN write intelligent and engaging super hero stuf while not treating your audience like 6 year old kids. it''s demeaning.

4.Farmville/mafia wars/<enter facebook "join me" game here>: this is a short one. i'm not at all interested in joining your yoville or farmville community. i don't care. stop sending me the fucking info please. i don't see the appeal.. i don't WANT to see the appeal. stop it.

the rest of my rants are interpersonal ones and will probably go into private entrys. i just had to get this much at least off my chest. thanks for listening

Current Mood: grumpy

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February 22nd, 2009

(no subject)

2/22/09 03:51 pm

as promised.. here's a rundown of this years t.v shows. to save time, i'm going to put a master list on the top of this monster entry and then just put my rundowns under cuts. this allows you to just look at the series you want to see.. or read one at a time. i'll start by listing the shows i watch in weekly order
sunday:
simpsons
family guy
amazing race

monday:
big bang theory
prison break
24
house
heroes
chuck

tuesday:
american idol

wednesday:
Lost
Knight rider
American idol

thursday:
smallville
my name is earl
C.S.I
E.R
(it's acronym night)

friday:
dollhouse
sarah conner chronicles
Battlestar galactica

Saturday:
The Brave and the bold
Wolverine and the x-men.

i should also note that i'm also a captive listener of Patsy's Coronation Street daily fix so i'm dropping a review of that in here as well.

( Simpsons )

( Family Guy )

( Amazing Race )

( Big Bang Thoery )

( Prison break )( 24 )aid, the political intregues and plot twists are still compelling enough to have you tuning in week after week to see how it all resolves. it reminds my of those 1930's-40's western serials where you see one part of the plot resolve only to see another cliffhanger for you to put your dime down for next week.</div>

( house )

( Heroes )

( Chuck )</div>

( Lost )

( knight Rider )( Smallville )

( my name is earl )

( C.S.I )

( E.R )

( dollhouse )

( sarah conner chronicles )

( battlestar galactica )

( wolverine and the x-men )
( coronation street )
</div>

Current Location: at the kitchen table
Current Mood: tired
Current Music: the sound of something on television

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February 16th, 2009

the month thus far

2/16/09 04:51 pm

good afternoon all. as i sit here, it's monday febuary 16 2009 and i'm taking the time to update my journal. hmmm from where we left off last time, i had discovered that i have raging sleep apnea. this explains much of what i was struggling with even at my time at star choice.

Near as i can figure it.. my accident in august of 2002 must have touched off a chain reaction in my biochemistry that set off the more serious aspects of my sleep apnea. i went from being someone who walked everywhere he went to not really feeling like walking to the fridge. i was tired all the time, antsy, depressed, and sleeping and not being fully aware on the job.

i had actually considered that i was just being fat and lazy but that doesn't seem to be the case.. (or at least not all of it.) it turns out i have sleep apnea and have had it for some years now and it's been getting steadily worse as time goes on. the sleepiness and drowsiness i've been experiencing at work is due to my body being woken up due to shortness of breath. never fully awake but definatly out of the theta range where full on SLEEP and relaxation occour.

i have recently began using C-PAP breathing machines and mask to offset this and the change is already noticable. i'm more awake and alert then i used to be and not as prone to falling asleep at the computer. i don't know how this is all going to play out personalitywise yet... but i'm positive that the change will be profound. i'm also sure that, as this wasn't done overnight, it's going to take longer for the full extent to be seen.

I went to the midnight screening of "friday the 13th" on well... friday(thusrday night) and i found it to be a decent remake. it had all the elements a good jason slasher should have. i kinda giggled as Jared Padalecki should have been used to dealing with this type of thing by now... and the victims you were supposed to SOMEWHAT identify with were mostly douchebags.. but all in all, a fairly accurate homage to the original series. (unlike that horrendous "halloween" remake by Rob Zombie.. what an hour and a half long peice of crap.

i DO however want to take this moment to express my utter dismay and disgust at today's youth in general. (yes, i know i'm dating myself AND i know there's exceptions) but.... WHAT A BUNCH OF FUCKING MORONS!!!!! i sit and i listen to them in line or waiting for the show to start and i can FEEL my brain cells die. they babble.. they babblr about school...and getting high... and going out and getting plastered... and getting high.. one girl was even going on about how her friend had 5 guys at once and how she fucked some guy at a campsite for a beer.

wow.... 30 minutes of this drivel (which didn't stop during the movie B.T.W) and i was ready to join Jason in his crusade and pick up a machete, strap on my C-PAP mask and start doing some slashing of my own. if this is the future... i say fuck it and let the global warming commence. think of it as a pallette cleanser.

now onto happier things. Patsy and i decided to forgo actually venturing out on valentines day and went to the keg friday night for dinner. we sat and had fantastic conversation and a decent meal, came home and watched a movie or two and then went to bed. not as romantic as you might have wanted but, it's all about the time you spent together with the one you love.. not the money spent.

saturday was our busy day.. we woke up late in the afternoon and John was already here visiting and reading comics. Patsy took the time to watch some Brave and the Bold with us as well as Joss Wheadon's new series "dollhouse". (more on that in next entry's TV RUNDOWN.)
we tried the new pasta dishes at pizza hut to mixed reviews and, by then, Amber and Mike came over for some Rock Band goodness.

i find i'm really starting to LIKE rock band. i'm enjoying the drums immensly and i like letting my inner rock star come out. (john usually does bass and patsy does lead guitar). i'm also downloading new tracks for us to play. it's a LOT of fun to play with patsy and john. i like playing in a group.
sunday came as a day of unpleasentness for patsy as she woke up with a minor stomach irritant and was sick for the better part of the day. i went out and got us slurpees and stuff later so it all worked out. we just basically did a night of watching the boob tube and then turned in. i put on my darth vader mask and then went to bed.. after one last thing was done...

i went and purchased my 4 day pass to... THE SAN DIEGO COMICON!!!!!! that's right bayyybeee.. i'm gonna be front and centre at the san diego comicon this year after 5 days in san francisco. this is my reward to myself for one HELL of a year. my sweetie was nice enough to pay for our airline tickets and everything. the ONLY thing i have left to do now is book my hotel for the CON and have spending money for all the bells and whistles i'm going to want to buy or pictures i want autographed.

i am SO Excited. Patsy is going to her friend's place for the time while i'm geeking out and we'll meet up for the trip home. this is going to be one of the best. trips. EVER.

there's more.. but my food's getting cold. talk to you soon

Current Location: at the table
Current Mood: energetic
Current Music: patsy whistling "rock star" by pink

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February 8th, 2009

more stuff

2/8/09 08:14 pm

i find that, having started writing all this down, i'm not inclined to stop right now.. so i'll pick up with this month in my life.

with christmas behind us and the new year settling in... the house started to get back to whatever normal is going to be in a post-mom world. we had refinanced the house and paid off a lot of our outstanding debts. we now pay a mortgage that's a little larger then what we WERE paying but it's less then the old mortgage and what were were spending on our debtload.

i purchased some new comics to help me fill some of the holes in my collection.. i know i did this because comics make me feel good and i desperatly need to feel good about something right now. this comic mania will pass once time goes on. i now have to go and put all these in fricking order now.

Torin and Brittany have taken over the downstairs as borders. i'm of two minds on this as i would like to have kept mom's place mom's for a bit longer to get used to her being gone... the other mentality is that time goes on and this is giving us the impetus to move on as a family by not maintaining a shrine downstairs. the extra money kinda helps to pay for the comic addiction too.

my only complaint is that i'm not a big fan of roomates.. i don't like having to chase people for money and, after dennis, i can honestly say that, if this wasn't my nephew, i would be just as happy turning downstairs into a recreation area. perhaps next year when torin moves out. this is in no way permenant. Torin's a great kid and pays his rent... i have o complaints there.. and he DOES help us out.. i'm just not into being a landlord. we'll see what develops.

work's been going okay. the economic downturn kinda means i still have to kiss and make nice for a while before i can go open my comic shop. gotta keep food on the table and the wolves away from the door and all that. i'm findng that it's hard to get out of the old paranoind mindset that was instilled in me by my previous managers. i close my eyes at my workstation and i'm afraid that i've "been caught sleping" or that i'm not feeling well and close my eyes to ward off a headache and it can be likewise construed as "sleeping' which will lead to my immeadiate dismissal. iknow already that the human resource wouldn't believe a word out of my mouth and just go with what HE sees.
paramoia sucks and patsy thinks i'm overreacting and maybe she's right... but it's still hard on the nerves when you feel you're being scrutinized and that every time your manager is being called away.. it's to talk about you.
nothing can cure that but time and the knowledge that i'm doing all i can on my end i guess.

we went out yesterday for the first time in a while to montana's and eat steak and had some time together. we also saw "push" starring dakota fanning and chris evans. i FELL ASLEEP!!!!!! i never fall asleep during movies. what a waste of two passes.

i'd also like to mention that poor patsy slipped and fell on a patch of ice yesterday. her knees hurt and she was grumpy but nothing was damaged but her pride... and her faith in winter ever coming to a close.

we came home and watched a couple more movies.. i introduced patsy to the original friday the thirteenth and it was just as effective a scare as it was when i first saw it. we also watched Quarentine. a cute little timewaster a'la cloverfield about an outbreak of rabids in a new york apartment building. very nice story.. don't like those kinds of endings but it really is the only way the story could have played out.

i think i'm finally out of gas for now.. i WANT to discuss the advent of barack obama to the white house, the new season of american idol and my absolute love for the new brave and the bold cartoon... and we will... tomorrow.

till then.. thanks for letting me ramble and good night.

Current Location: contemplation
Current Mood: calm

what a long strange trip it's been

2/8/09 04:35 pm

good evening all.. it's been a while since i updated this so i'm going to start where i left off.. there's been a lot that's gone on so i'd suggest everyone grab a coke and get comfy.

the christmas season opened with my recently returning to work after the latest bout with my foot issues.. i don't want to hurt patsy's feelings but although i can do this job.. i am defintatly not cut out to be a banker. other people can go on and on abour RRSP'S and RRIF's and different visa rates and best savings options for hours and hours... me.... i can listen for about 10 minutes and then i start to zone and it starts to sound like a lecture given by charlie brown's teacher. in this economy however.. it's better to have a job then not sooo... i feign interest. at least my managerial issues have slackened off somewhat as i've went from the team i was on to another team that isn't as strictly managed. it's nice to finally have days (for the first time in a year) where i don't feel like my self confidence is consistantly being undermined.

don't get me wrong.. i love dealing with the customer and i have some really cool co-workers. i do my job really well and have my strong points in this job that keep me employed.. what i DON'T like is the "we're a bank" mentality.. you are NOT a bank... you are a call centre. you don't change an orange by calling it a "portable vitamin C device". it's an orange.
another source of contention is my prepencity to want to doze off during my workday.. there are reasons for this based on my possibly having sleep apnea but i'm combatting this as best i can with as much sleep as i can and taking a medicine called doxydrine. i also drink lots of popstar energy drinks and throw water on my face every break. i know it sounds like a lot but i've been warmed that if i fall asleep one more time.. i'll be fired. so i have to do whatever i need to at this point. my hope is that tomorrow's apnea test will start the road to a better lifestyle and the light at the tunnel.
as an aside related to this... i can't believe the balls of some managers. i was told that, if i'm fired, i can't use my current employment on a resume. it'll have to sit as a blank time on my resume. that's bullshit. the company's overall policy is that they can't give references anyway. my other thought is that they have no real say in what i put on my resume. i can say i worked as an aide to the king of persia if i want.
my thought is that all this bullshit was put in front of me to scare and intimidate me.. which isn't an unusual tactic for some of the managerial staff. fuck it. if i decide to leave.. i'll put what i want on the resume.. all you can say in any rate is that i worked there. no more.. no less.
but we won't need to make a resume for a while yet.

one of the other issues i was dealing with during christmas is my foot issues. on this front there is better news. for the first time in 4 plus years.. i have no holes in my foot. none. no sores on the side.. no large hole in the middle.. no holes on the side.. and my toes no longer hurt when i walk on them. i owe it all to the foot clinic at the sheldon chumer. these guys came in, took one look and knew exaclty what to do. three months of wearing a cast and treatment and monitoring and my feet are the best they've been in years.

now.. onto the distasteful task of placing the blame. it took the foot clinic 3 months to fix something that a LOT of doctors couldn't even diagnose in the preceding 4 years. what were the other doctors doing in this time??? we had went to two hospitals numerous times as well as somone who is listed as a "foot specialist" and nothing was done before now. perhaps answers will be forthcoming once i sit with a lawyer and figure out who i'm going to sue. i'm not a "sue firts and ask questions later" person... but so much has went on as a concequence of this foot issue that i'm not comfortable just sitting back and letting bygones be bygones either.

During the christmas period i had also seen a psychologist in regards to my issues with mom's death and all that has gone on and i think it helped. we had a long couple chats and i think it just helped me to clarify some thoughts. she was instumental in getting me to look into the possibility of my having sleep apnea as this would explain a lot of the irritability and depression i feel some of the time. i'm not getting rested. she also made me think as she had asked me a question... one i couldn't answer... the question was "if i woke up tomorrow and everything was perfect... money was great and i had no worries... what would i do emotionally? i didn't know how to answer that.. it kinda woke me up to the idea that i tend to maintain or create crisis in order to define myself.. the idea being that if i didn't have a problem to solve.. i wouldn't know what to do. she has a point. it's a matter i'm currently reflecting on and trying to see what i can do with it.

Pheonix came down for christmas this year. she figured that i may need the extra person to talk to and to kinda act as an additional person for patsy so she didn't have to deal with my being all meloncholy by herself. either way... it was great to have her here. john also popped in throughout the holiday to spend some time.

christmas was a hard time for me despite this as the house seems emptier without mom dragging us off to neil's place or susans... this was the first year in 15 years that i didn't go to swiss chalet in memory of dad. i'll go march 23 in memory of them both. i promise.
so.. there i was.. 3 days before christmas and feeling down. patsy and i hadn't really set up anything christmaswise as i hadn't really felt like it.. so i'd let patsy and pheonix know that, if they wanted to decorate, i wouldn't stop them.. but i wasn't in the head space to help either.
i'd went out to the store to pick up some last minute stocking stuffers and some stuff for phoenix/s dietary needs and was kinda lamenting the fact that christmas dinner was probably going to consist of the denny's at paigan and barlow and i had suddenly found myself in the turkey aisle with stove top stuffing in one hand and a 5 pound butterball in the other. i don't remember how i got there.. jsut that, when i'd left, all the makings for turkey dinner was in my basket.

so i came home and put everything away, still not really feeling the christmas spirit and over the next 2 days.. with help from susan, we made our first ever turkey dinner with stuffing, ham, potatoes, veggies, and gravy. this was so well prepared that, when we went to take the turkey out of the oven, the meat fell off the bones.

christmas came and we had opened our gifts. (thanks patsy for the dvd box sets and the clothes and others for the game and tribbles and stuff) and we spent the day kinda toying with rock band that patsy got herself for christmas. finally it was time for dinner.

i had made the potatoes and stuffing and warmed up the turkey and gravy and we had made all the plates and patsy,pheonix and i were sitting down to eat when i decided to go to the fridge and get a coke.. and that's when it hit me.

i had been so sad mom had not been here to see and be with us... and i looked out over the island at the food made by eight caring hands and at my friends and wife sitting at the table and i can feel mom at my side at that minute holding me and telling me that i did a good job and that she was proud of us she was... that we had went on and made a holiday she would be happy to attend in spirit.. and that everything goes on and would be okay. that it's okay to celebrate christmas and life.. and she would always be with us.

it was a good christmas.. and hopefully the harebinger of a better 2009 to come. i think i'll cut this up into a few parts and tell you more of what's gone on later. my fingers need a rest.

Current Location: at the kitchen table
Current Mood: blah
Current Music: land of confusion by genesis

December 11th, 2008

obligatiry christmas wish list entry

12/11/08 12:24 am

hey peeps.. nice to see all of you out there. sorry i haven't been in contact of late but, with this year being what it was, i,m sure you understand.
i just figured i'd pop on and send up my christmas wish list for the year. i know that times are lean for most right now so i'm really not expecting anything (i have yet to really feel very christmasy at this moment either) but i figure i may as well post and hope for the best.
as always. your continued love and support is the best gift i can ever be given.. but if you want to slip something under my tree..(or lack thereof) here's some ideas.

dvd's:

batman beyond season 2 and 3
alias rimbaldi box set.
highlander the series
dead zone seasons 1-5
tru calling season 2
anything else you know i might love.. i ain't all that picky

size 54 pants and size 4x shirts.

cash payments to my paypal account so i can buy comic books online.
comic book gift certificates.
future shop or bestbuy or anyplace i can buy dvd gift certificates.

at any rate.. i wish you all the best of the holiday season and my feverant wishes that 2009 be a better year for us all.
i love you all very much.

Current Mood: cold

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November 5th, 2008

Hoping this helps.

11/5/08 03:31 am

They say that writing is theraputic and that it can help put matters into perspective getting it all down on paper. i suppose we can try that.

there are a few things on my mind that i imagine would probably help if i were to get it off my chest. Patsy and my workmates figure i should sit down with a doctor (Employee assistance Program) and talk it out. i don't know if that will help.. you see.. i'm a very "solutions" minded person. i tend to put "solving the problem" ahead of "how i FEEL about the problem".. so this entry is going to be about how i FEEL about my problems. anyone who wants to skip this can definatly do so if you want.

1. My mom is dead.. and i haven't really shed tears over it. it sounds cold and crueller then it is.. i know i've compartmentallized it and filed it away for "later, when things calm down". but the drawback on this is now that it IS later.. i feel disconnected from it. i WANT to mourn someone i loved very much but CAN'T.
i tell patsy that it's because mom stopped being a "day to day" presense in my life about 7 months ago but i'm not sure that's all of it.. i worry that i've closed off deliberatly to avoid feeling anything and that this is a symptom of repression. i hope that makes sense and that i can get past it.. mom deserves to be mourned properly.
ON that topic.. the services were beautiful and i thank everyone who sent thier welll wishes and love (and flowers) to me in my time of need. that helped a lot to know there were kind souls out there.(i'll do a wider entry on it later)

2. work/finances: i've been off now for almost 3 months this time with my foot issues and i'm realy getting tired of just being around the house with my foot up. i KNOW that i need to get this done and that this was doctor mandated but i still feel bad with patsy being the only full time breadwinner in the house. (i have a disability stipend and torin is renting the downstairs) but still, it's tough.
Patsy has been a trooper in alll this.. but i can see it all wearing thin on her. she comes home unhappy and annoyed at the BEST of times but she's sleeping a lot now and seems down sometimes and i don't know what to do/say to help her. i try and tell her that the situation isn't as bad as she thinks but i think she either doesn't believe me or she doesn't think i understand the full depth of the situation.
the coming weeks might help tho.. i'm heading back to work on modified hours and that might help at least give her the feeling that she's not in this alone anymore.

3. my foot/physical health: three months has helped but this was a particularly bad bout this time.. we've gone from one big hole and one small hole to one large hole to one ever decreasing hiole so i suppose that it's getting better.. but i don't WANT "better" i want GONE. DONE. FINITO. at least the foot clinic i'm visiting is determined to insure my foot problems go away.. i look foreward to that day.
My back, however, is a differens story.. i've had back issues since the same accident that broke my leg and the fall a year ago down a set of pool steps at con-version didn't help matters at all. since then my back has been getting steadily worse to the point of hurting after a one block walk or 5-7 minutes of standing in one spot.
i have gotten to points where the strain of walking/standing have made me sweat profusely and the thought of going anywhere i may have to do these activities makes me shudder with anticipation of the pain. (hense why i don't take the bus.)
the only solution i can see to this is to lose all the weight i can and then go get an M.R.I done to see if there's back damage.. but that's still 100 pounds away and i can't exercise with my foot and back in the condition it's in.
unless anyone knows of any exercises that i can do without putting pressure on either area... anyone????

okay.. so all this has me feeling pretty helpless and powerless and i'm feeling like i really have no choice in what i need to do to get issues resolved. i feel like i'm spending my life REACTING to events rather then ACTING to steer them.. and i don't like it. not one bit.

i'll do more tomorrow... i need to go put my foot up. i WOULD like to say for the record that i'm tickled pink that Obama is the next president. maybe now the market will stablze and the economic downturn will slacken off some. i've heard some people say that we don't pay this much attention to our OWN politics but in defense i can only say that WE don't have the markets by the throat, our fingers on the button and our feet in areas of the world that make it bad for everyone.. so i'm gonna pay DAMN close attention to see to it that the person who inherits the oval office chair is someone who can keep the U.S from sinking and taking Canada along with him.

and, for the first time EVER, i honestly believe there's someonme in the white house who can do it. yes he can.

till tomorrow.

Current Location: at the kitchen table
Current Mood: tired

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October 25th, 2008

in memoriam

10/25/08 03:50 am

yesterday, October 24 2008 at 3:30 p.m, Patricia Gail Ledene left this world after a long bout with lung and bone cancer. she hung in for seven months after the doctors said she wouldn't last past March. i was at her bedside along with Roger,Susan,Bev,and Patsy when she finally went to her peaceful reward. i'll probably do a longer entry once i have my emotions straight on all this but for now.. i only know that there's a huge void in my heart where my mom used to be.

here's a picture i like of mom at julio's barrio. it's the way i like to remember her.

Rest in Peace mom... we love you.... and will miss you forever.

Current Mood: crushed

October 13th, 2008

Giving thanks.

10/13/08 07:42 pm

today is thanksgiving in canada.. and as we sit and eat our turkey and our stuffing and look lovingly at our pumpkin pies cooling on the counter.. we should take the time to look to the right and/or left of us and remember the things that make this the holiday it is and the things we should be thankful for.

lots have went on this year and it's had it's dark times and great times.. and in reflection.. this is the things i'm thankful for.

Mom being alive: the doctors keep giving her a timeline and she keeps surprising us. keep it up ol' lady. i love you.
Patsy: you are my partner, my friend, and i am thankful and grateful for every moment i spend with you. i love you so very much.
John, Aimee, darlene, Alec, Shai, Mike, Amber and Phoenix: you guys and girls are the foundation of my smile. you've all been there in thick and thin without wavering and i'm blessed more then i can say for that. thank you.
Val, Sam,Skyler,Leanne,Sara and matt: you're new to our world and you've all already brightened it up so much. we're honoured to have become part of each others lifes and you prove that life balances itself out. thank you for coming into our world this year and we know we're all gonna be hanging together singing songs for a very long time.
gerard and dennis: i'm thankful for what you've contributed over the last 12 months. really i am and i hope one day you find your way back to us. that's up to you.
Bonnie and Ken: we're sorry to see you leave our lives but understand the situation. it's my heartfelt hope that one or both of you reach out after all the chaos subsides.
sheri and matt and trinity: busy in their lives but present in our hearts. get in touch soon okay??? love you.
susan and roger: this thing with mom has really pulled us together as a family so i can always say that out of sadness has at least come that. i hope we can stay down this road and bond as a family again.
i'm thankful to have taken the trip down to las vegas and seen George Micheals a few months ago. once in a lifetime stuff
i'm thankful to have also seen Elton John when he was here. that's one less lifegoal.
i'm thankful that we're almost done the renovations on the house. it's so close to finished i can taste it. one connected hot tub and a fence painting away.
i'm thankful for my health and continued employment and i'm going to continue that by getting better with both in the year to come.
mostly.. i'm thankful to the powers that be to be alive and have all these things come into my life to BE thankful for. know that i am NEVER taking these things for granted and i hope that everyone has such blessings

take care all.. and kiss your loved ones.

P.S: it should also be noted that i forgot a part of my family that i'm ALWAYS thankful for. My kitten Google. you are a spinny,goofy, funny cat and do the weirdest things and i adore you.
couldn't forget the googz.

Current Location: at the kitchen table
Current Mood: contemplative
Current Music: patsy's mp3's

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September 25th, 2008

the nature of friendship

9/25/08 05:18 pm

hi all.. it's been a while since i've blogged and i'm sorry for that. a LOT has happened that i'll get to over time but first i have to go onto a topic that's near and dear to my heart. that of my friendships with others.

i'm a very social man.. i try and do my best by my friends and to prove myself worthy of thier love and trust and hope that they know that the friendship i give is given with all my heart.

this makes this a hard LJ to write cause i just had someone write off all association with my AND patsy entirely.. facebook, LiveJournal.. the whole lot. this after moving out without prior notice or even a civil word once i woke up this morning to catch him mid move.

we had been good friends before this, even going so far as to think of both him and his brother as extentions of my family. they were trusted. they were loved. they were FAMILY and i can't help but consider this kind of a betrayal. i know there are other factors but we'll get to that.

this person had mentioned how he wanted to get out on his own and how he felt like he could learn to stand on his own with a little help sooo.. (against friend's suggestions that friends should never be roomates) we agreed to give the roomate thing a shot.

sometimes the advice of others can be a boon.

now.. a little background here.. i and patsy had known that this person had a medical condition that would make s/him touchy at times and that, as such, we would have to approach issues a tad more gingerly then we are normally used to operating. (and those who know ME know i'm about as subtle as a jackhammer at the best of times) but we tried.

so.. we have this person move in and almost right away we have to diffuse a situation where we said or did something and said party freaked out. we later learned that s'he didn't have as much control over his personal issues as we thought as it seemed that every week or so we had to keep talking this person into staying due to this person's chronic tendancy to freak out over what we would consider little things.

confrontation
loud noise when s/he didn't appreciate it
overtiredness
a dissenting opinion
invading this person's personal space weather it be for legitimate concern or not.
days that dare end with a "Y"

we watched t.v last night and we were in the middle of "house" when patsy had seen something done on the show that made her scream a little bit. it wasn't even that loud and said person told her to "keep it down". patsy took offence to this and told said person that this is her house and she'll not be told what to do while in it by him or anyone. ( i think that was a LITTLE harsh but patsy had been having a bit of a bad day too.)

said roomate then watched t.v with us and then skulked off to his room (at the time,i'd hoped, to cool off) and that was about all i'd figured there was to it knowing that we all needed a breather and i was promised after the last altercation that there would be an allowed cool down period. so much for that idea.

so i get up this morning and, lo and behold, my now ex-roomate had decided to get all of his stuff together and call his father to come and get him. i, of course, looked on this as inevitable and just went about my morning activities. ex-roomie went about the business of packing and never said a word to me.. not one. i wasn't the one arguing with him (this time) yet i was ignored and barely grunted at.

so s/he leaves and i discover later that not only has ex-roomate moved out, we were also removed from facebook and livejournal on this person's end. so i'm only left to assume that not only are we ex-roomates.. i suppose we're also ex-friends...

this was NOT what i wanted.. this is not how i wanted this to play out... and i find it DAMNED unfair that friendships should end because one party is too emotionally insecure to deal with things.

GROW UP.... and this goes for your sibling as well.

I didn't make the decisions to end either of your friendships.. you did that on your own.. both of you. don't DARE sit there in your basement and trash me OR patsy for the both of you collectivly being unable to grow up. we still consider you both friends and will be here when you both mature some.. or not. try us when you both grow up and we'll see what happens.

and just so you don't think i'm talking behind your backs: i'm putting out there that you both blame other issues for your problems. the elder sibling should get off his ass and get a job.. put the transformers and anime cartoons away and get employed. when you are making nothing and have been off work for 10 months now.. flipping burgers is NOT "beneath you".

and as for my ex- roomate... i'm sorry you felt you had to leave and you DO have a couple things here that, if not claimed in a month, will be cannibalized for parts or sold on e-bay. you don't WANT to be a friend.. i don't feel compelled to treat you like one.
and, just so we're clear.. i don't believe you have a medical condition as much as i believe you just ned someone to give you a kick in your ass and enforce your maturity. you're spoiled. and like a spoiled brat.. you need a spanking or some form of as-yet-denied disipline. i'm stilll a fan of the swift kick in the rear end.

call me when you and your brother grow up.

Current Mood: pissed off

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May 21st, 2008

the time of his life (kudos David Cook)

5/21/08 11:19 pm

yes dear reader... american idol season seven has come to a close and with it another in a string of BLOCKBUSTER season finales for the idol franchise. the show started with the top 12 contenders including fan and personl faves chakeezie, Carly Smitson and Micheal Johns joining the current top 2 David Cook and David Archuletta in the prerequisite feel good start up tune...

it wasn't long before, like the night with a clear sky, the stars started to shine.. both rising ones like brook white and sayesha merchado and established ones like Seal, David Nash and Donna summer.doing both personal and group songs with this years cream of the idol crop.

Even my beloved Canada was representin' with the arrival of the Love GUru himself Mike Myers and a great group number with mr. Bryan Adams. it's strange that canadian artists get more respect on AMERICAN idol then they do on CANADIAN idol.. but there it is.

the evening gets better and better with Gladys Knight and her 3 NEW pips (Jack Black, Ben Stiller and iron man himself Robert downey jr. doing a fantastic bit of musical comedy.

the music flowed hot and heavy with the Jonas Brothers and the group that did "apologize" as well as a fantasti version of "sharp dressed man" done by david cook and the boys from ZZ Top keeing the night rolling on.

there was a fair bit of comedy in the evening as well as the man who gave us "i am your brother" came by to give us the concert full band version of his soon to be hit signal. (that fucker is going to sell.. trust me on this) complete with marching band and full orchestra.

and then the night hits it's climax. 12 people make thier way out onto the stage to a medly started by an all too familiar guitar lick.. this leads into a song that has patsy hanging on every word of a song she has heard millions of times before.

she hangs not because of what the song is.. but what the song can only mean... that song "faith" is followed by the top 12 sining "father figure",, and patsy starts to shake... by the time the top 12 finish "freedom 90" patsy has stoppeds breathing and is turning blue..
why.. you may ask yourself.. what could have happened... well.. the only thing that COULD have happened on a show this big.

the only thing that could beat the apperance of Prince on the same show in 2006..

LADIES AND GENTLEMAN.... MR. GEORGE MICHEAL!!!!!

and patsy lets out a scream that could startle jamie lee curtis.. a howl of pure delight that envies that of even the most thrillfull of carnival rides. Patsy (and i must admit myself too) are held in rapt attention as Mr Micheal closed out 2008's american idol with a fantastic rendition of "praying for time"

and then... after all the fire and brimstone.. after all the anticipation and waiting.. the time comes upon us at last as the announcement is made, envelopes are opened and a MIRACULOUS apology to Mr. Cook from simon "i don't apologize for nuttin" cowell...

DAVID COOK IS PROCLAIMED THIS YEARS AMERICAN IDOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!

proving that america might be blind and dumb sometimes.. it's still not entireley deaf or tasteless. excellent call america.. and fantastic going MR. Cook,

i look forward to the stellar career you have in front of you.

i'm gonna go calm patsy down now.

night

Current Location: very happily at my kitchen table
Current Music: "faith"

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May 15th, 2008

birthdays, time off and ruminations on turning 39

5/15/08 01:38 pm

hello dear readers and thanks for bearing thru the angstfest that was my last entry. now onto something a lot more fun.

i'd like to take this oppertunity to thank dennis,alec,john,darlene, aimee, mike and amber, jason, and Patsy for making saturday one hell of a party. the festivities started off at 4:00 and didn't wrap up until 2:00 a.m or so. below are the highlights on what everyone lived thru.

- BATMAN BIRTHDAY CAKE!!!!!!! it was chocolate with blue frosting and had a bat-signal and everything. great cake.
-GIFTS: i got a fantastic shared present from dennnis and patsy in the form of a nintendo WII that i use to perfect my bowling skills for the moment. there's also a completed and ready for framing coca cola puzzle my mom gave me the next day. the best gift of all was seeeing all my friends tho.. that's stuff money can't buy.
-PORTAL: okay.. i see why ranakanth can't stop chatting about this game. it looks neat. he was nice enough to bring his laptop over and let me see it and the ending sequence which has the funniest song i've heard since "so long and thanks for all the fish". it's STILL running thru my head. when i get the time to go back into gaming.. i may give this a go.
- THE EDUCATION OF AIMEE: LOL this was the unintended result of aimee asking about furry fandom and then led into an in-depth discussion of devient sexual fetish groups and behaviours. i've never seen such shock on a woman's face before.. it had honestly never occoured to aimee that such things existed. (or just how warped my friends are.)

it was definatly one of the best birthday celebrations one could ever have asked for and i'm looking forward to doing it all again come october for patsy's birthday.

i'd also like to thank all those who commented with well wishes either by phone or thru facebook. you wern't here in body.. but you were in spirit.. the only difference is that we ate your share of the cake. thank you.

ruminations on turning 39.

1. remember those sports you did when you were younger??? you'll pay.. lord how you shall pay.
2. you CAN keep up with the younger generation.. provided they're the slower ones and you have a tub and a half of ben-gay
3. age and treatchery shall always overcome youth and skill
4. the funnest ride at the stampede has become "Bench"
5.take pride in becoming a dirty old man. you'll be surprised at what you can get away with.
6. take care of your friends and loved ones.. they'll be the ones deciding what home you need to be sent to when your older.
7. sleep is your friend.
8. you learn not to sweat the small stuff.. hell.. usually by 39.. you've lived thru worse and have the war stories to bore the younger generation about it.
9. get a cat... but not too many cats.. cause then it's creepy.
10. don't get too bent out of shape about your age.. in this era of medical advancement.. you'll probably see at least 40 more years, resolve to make each day count for something.. life is a gift no matter what your age.

there... pearls of wisdom from the swine that is me. have a fantastic day all.. go out into that wonderful sun and enjoy it.

Current Location: at the kitchen table
Current Mood: lazy
Current Music: "save the last dance for me" by micheal buble'

i've put this off long enough i suppose

5/15/08 03:29 am

hi everyone.. sorry i've been lax in posting on my LJ of late.. i have no excuse save that i've just been wrestling with a lot of stuff. there's a kick ass entry on my birthday anr ruminations on turning 39 that i'm going to do next entry but this entry is mostly to put down on paper that which has been sitting in my head the last few months and to see if, in writing it down, i can make some peace with it.

the situation really boils down to 4 words. 4 words that can change a life and/or break a heart.

My Mom is Dying.

Patricia Gail meehan ledene, my mother, the toughest and ballsyest old irish broad i know is dying at the age of 63 of stage 4 cancer of the spine. they figure the recurring bouts of pnumonia is going to kill her before the cancer does as she only has one lung that don't work so good.. but it's the same either way. they give her 3 months.. 6 on the outside... and that was 2 months ago.

it's hard because my mother, whom i've always been close to, is my last surviving parent having lost my dad back in '93 with lung cancer. seeing both of them cut down from having thier "golden years" we all live for is disenheartning to say the least. they both deserve better.

Mom is still alive at this writing having been moved from her latest hospital visit to a hospice by chinook where she can get round the clock care for as long as she needs it. she's still free to come home on weekends or day passes as her strength allows her to do so and i have total faith that she'll fight this thing to the utter and complete end.

but it will end. it must for us all one day. the price we pay for life is death.. we know that coming into the game. doesn't make it any easier tho.

i'm still trying very hard to process this and what i should do to make mom's last days with us here her best. i hadn't posted about it befire now pending notification of those friends of mine that were close to mom and i wanted to let know personally.

i also discovered i've developed issues with companies and people who claim to have "beaten cancer", are "cancer survivours" or are walking/running/diving/whitling litle drummer boys for THE CURE.

i hate that shit. what a pile of manure.

1. how the HELL can you cure something that no one can agree on the cause for??? if you don't know the CAUSE.. you don't have a farts chance in a perfume factory of finding a cure. PERIOD.

2. these causes like running/walking/cycling for the cure are nice "feel good" events. you go, you run, you raise 100.00 (or 1000.00 if your a company) and you get a pretty pink ribbon, a t-shirt, and a warm fuzzy feeling that you've done your part.. while the money you raise primarily goes towards to overhead for HOLDING the event in the first place. i think less then 50% actually goes to scientific research grants.
you want to feel useful?? make a private donation to the tom baker cancer society.. do the "shave your lid for a kid" think so that people who have chemo can, at least, have something for thier heads. it's a tad more productive.

3. and finally the term "cancer survivour". what a load of shit. what that MEANS is that the cancer that was SUPPOSED to kill me has backed off for reasons unknown to me. you ain't survived jack and shit and jack ain't home. it WILL be back. it's just a matter of when. it's written into your RNA/DNA strands.
stop beating your chest and take the borrowed time and spend it on family or friends or going places you've always wanted to go. it's a temporary reprieve.. nothing more.

i had a mini rant there but it's honestly something that has been bothering me. now back to mom.

i walk down to mom's suite in the basement sometimes just to get the feeling of her presence. she hasn't been away long enough for the downstairs not to feel like "her place" yet. it's nice. it helps my to think. i PRAY to whatever dieties that are listening to give mom more time on this earth to do what she's wanted to do and THEN take her when she's ready. give her that remission you give other people and let us have her for a bit longer.

it's selfish.. but i'm not ready to lose my mommy just yet. later maybe.. but not right now.

i'm tired.. i'll do the happier birthday entry tomorrow.

night all

shannon

Current Location: going to bed
Current Mood: depressed
Current Music: the birdies chirping in the light of dawn

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April 25th, 2008

my list is done,i'm ready to go....leaving for the comic show

4/25/08 02:53 am

it's friday afternoon here as i type this. i'm currently about to move my computer to the middle room to run off my want list for this weekend's big comic and game expo. i'm so excited i can hardly contain myself. there's gonna be comics and mark waid and comics and george takai and comics and micheal rosenbaum and comics and trisha Helfer and COMICS!!!!!!!!

i've been waiting on this for the last year or so at least, having bought my tickets to said event the moment they went on pre-sale thru the website. i also had a look at the panels they have scheduled and i'm wondering how on earth i'm going to attend to my shopping and all the panels i want to be in without being at least 3 people. maybe i can enlist some of my alternate earth counterparts to help.

i'm about as excited for this as patsy is for the upcoming george micheal concert we're attending in vegas. (yes, vegas, MGM grand, George micheal) going to be a fantastic time there too. just what we need to counteract all the doom and gloom that's been going on lately.

(more on that in a seperate entry after comicon. i'm trying to really forget about that right now)

i'm off for at least another month die to my foot issues as dr. herget has decided to make a final push in getting my foot's health back on track. i'm supposed to be going into the hospital sometime soon for a month so they can treat this and i really wish they would hurry up so i can get back to work.

otherwise i'm just treating it on my own and hoping it get''s better. (i have a special pass for this weekend... no IV'S or stuff) provided i keep my foot up once i get home.

so that's it for now... i think i'm going to go and put my foot up, finish my slurpee and watch "cloverfield". take care and god bless.
and those i'll see at the comic show tomorrow... see you there.

Current Location: kitchen table
Current Mood: amused
Current Music: the singing of my heart at the thought of the comic show

April 13th, 2008

being "that guy"

4/13/08 09:11 pm

i'm going to take a few minutes and indulge in some pointless emo/self reflection.

recently for the 3rd or 4th time in my history i've been put in the position of being the spokesperson of general thought. the guy who finally points to the emperor not wearing clothing and saying "he's naked!!!". of being the guy who finally has to be the one who stands up and yells "shananigans" on people i love doing things that don't make sens or are hurting others i love.

i'm really getting tired of being "that guy".i HATE being "that guy".

i love and value all of my friendships dearly and it really hurts me to have to be the one who finally snaps, loses it and says what no one else seems to have the gumption to say. my problem with this is twofold.

1. even tho the other party needed the dressing down.. I come off feeling or looking like the asshole.. and that's not fair. i'm just the guy who FINALLY said what needs be said. it was as hard on me to say as it was on you to hear... believe me.
and
2:The people i talk to about this sort of thing always blame those around me as well.. like there's some guilt by association involved by being the friend or wife of "that guy". That's not really fair to the other friend,wife,associate and i wish that certain other people would stop with the "guilt by association" bullshit. the other parties may agree with what i have to say.. they may not.. you, at least, owe it to them to get THIER views before lumping them in or blocking them from facebook or whatever.

an i ever going to STOP being "that guy"??? probably not.. people are probably going to keep pissung me off and i'm probably going to only let it go to a certain point and then you WILL be called on it.. i would expect no less from MY friends for me.

am i going to feel bad about it and wish it could have gone down another way?? certainly.

the only defense i can really mister for this is that people who know me know i'm a very strongly opinionated man with a very low tolerance for bullshit or people who take thier friends for granted. i hate that shit. you have friends by gods's good graces.. if you mistreat them and get called on it.. that's not your friend's problem.. that's YOURS.

it is up to YOU to correct the issue.. if your friend hasn't called in a while.. call them.. if they don't call you back.. fuck it.. you tried.. balls in thier court. be there for em.. but any friend you have to chase after makes that a friendship under reconsideration. nothing works if you are the one doing all the heavy lifting.,

friendship is like a cake.. it can be fluffy and delicious and shared, can make a fantastic treat.. or it can always end with icing on your face and angel food down your pants.

so.. to quote foamy.. (and since i'm close to rambling) call your friends. don't take them for granted. down't write them off when they're pissed at you.. they may have a point.. and quit having to make me THAT GUY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.

thank you

Current Mood: angry

March 21st, 2008

(no subject)

3/21/08 01:18 am

well, it finally happened yesterday dear readers.. i came home to find my subscription reduced to "poverty" levels for my star Choice satellite system... officially brining to a close my 6 year association with thier company and all it's ensuing benifits.

(for the record, this downgrade comes five months after i've left thier employ)

this has caused some refelction as this bookmarks a rather lengthy chapter in my life and times and has had it's good times and it's bad.

I was working the Stealth alarms call centre over winter when i first heard of the star choice job.. my girlfriend and future wife had turned me onto the interview and application for it. sensing my dislike for my current occupation she suggested i apply there in a job fiar they were having at the telus convention centre.

applications were done and appointments were set but it would be another 3 months before i'd hear any more from it as they had misplaced a large amount of applications in the move to thier new building.

i remember when Justin Hill called me to give me my one and only interview before hiring me for the job.. i'd just patched up a large rift between same future signifigant other and this was the capper to my evening. the interview went well and i was told to report into work April 01 2001... remember this date people???? remember what it's famous for?????

so.. i go on a weeks vacation to vernon b.c to visit friends and then come home and walk into a barely constructed building monday morning ready to make my mark.. i go upstairs as there was no security at the time to the tird floor... and there's NO ONE there... NADA.. no one at all.

i remembered what day this was at this point and, as i had quit my other jobs, thought that this was a very poorly timed aprils fools joke... until i read the note on annamekies desk and realized that this was all supposed to start on TUESDAY the 2ND!!!!. my name was also on this list as a student sooo, reassured, i found my way back home till the next day.

that was always one of the funniest stories i have about the place. made an impression right off.

in the six years that followed.. there was good times and bad times... people i'll remember forever.. (kelly breaker, kelly espheter,stevie glanville, mark ross, shawna degroot, tim debris, erin relecom,) people who have become good "outside of work" firends ( ranakanth, darlene bassant, dorothy grey) and those i'd rather leave to the mists of time (you know who you are)

i've also left my impressions at that place for the remainder of it's standing.. (i named the cafeteria and my participation in "starchoice idol" were the big things.) and i'm happy to have left people with a good impression. (or at least no one nailed me with stones on the way out)

now..like all things, times change and what was once a good fit one day fails to grow with you and you realize that it's time to leave it behind.. or thefit changes and even becomes uncomfortable.. which leads to the same conclusion.

i won't go into all that happened save that i had to make a choice for my values and family that star choice couldn't and wouldn't support me on and it was time to leave.. that leaving was less amicable then i'd have liked and i regret that deeply.. but had to be done.

i don't regret the time i spent there or the role that star choice had in my maturity with regards to employers and i certainly don't regret the people i met there.. they've all touched my life in positive ways.. and those that didn't.. well.. i learmed from them too.

and now the t.v has gone dark.. the show's over and it's time to go. i'll be signing onto shaw in the next little bit as they offer more of what i want and i can bundle my stuff better. (bring on the karaoke on demand!!!!!!!!)

i'll leave you with the quote i had on my resignation letter i never had the chance to send out.

"i believe that, when we leave a place, a part of ourselves is so ingrained in it that we leave that part behind.. take a walk to a quiet part of the station and listen and all of our past conversations and arguements will come back as tho they just occoured... but i will admit that the part of me that is leaving.. will very much miss the part of you thatis staying here" g-kar from babylon 5

or to quote the barenaked ladies.. "thanks, it was fun"

Current Mood: contemplative
Current Music: "talk soup" by weird al

January 16th, 2008

american idol do's and don'ts

1/16/08 10:09 pm

as many of you know.. i'm a big fan of those idol shows.. (canadian, american, alpha centurion) and, as a music afficiendo, have had an oppertunity to develop a "public ear" to these sorts of things. as such.. i've developed a "do's and don'ts for idol tryout/competition"

let's start with what you DON'T do.

DON'T be a mimic: i know gwen stefani and duaghtry... and you sir, are no gwen or chris. don't try. this especially goes for "power singers" like mariah and celine.. or freddie mercury.. these are talents that come along once in a lifetime. unless you are SURE you're that good.. please do us all a favor and don't try.

DO: be ORIGINAL!!! the acapella performance that Bo Bice did a few years ago was FANTASTIC!!! it was fresh.. it was new and it was honest. judges dig it when you bring fresh blood to some really tired old music. they get bored too.

DON'T:do another american idol's music.. i can't stipulate it enough.. DON'T. these people have seen kelly clarkson in the raw.. watched them grow into artists... and such, your pissy off key version of "because of you" is particularly offensive and annoying because they KNOW the original artist well. it's similar to you telling a joke to someone and then hearing that same joke told by someone who sounds like gilbert gottfried who keeps screwing it up. so don't do it.

DO: please do songs no one else does. for every person who does "candle in the wind" or "lady marmalade", there should be someone who does "runnng on ice" or "sleeping on the sidewalk" (bonus points for those who can tell me the artists behind those songls)

DON'T: don't come in looking like fucking zorro or the statue of liberty. no masks.. no capes.. no tights.. no liberace level crap like that. when you're a big star.. you can dress like you want. (unless you are just looking for the proverbial 15 minutes of fame.. then don't get huffy when they kick your ass out. you made yourself a tool.. don't be surprised if they use you like one)

DO: Please do show some originality without going overboard. come in your best clothing that states who YOU are as a person and a performer.. remember that old nutshell about first impressions??? it's true. these people have sat there for HOURS looking for something particular not only in WHAT you're selling.. but HOW you're selling it. keep that in mind. BE YOURSELF. (and if your true self is a total retard.. then it's okay to pretend,,,, just this once, to act somewhat like the other kids)

DON'T: don't walk in there like you're "the shit". confidence is great.. arrogance is annoying. and can be the difference between going on.. and going home.

DO: do show some humility.. not grovelling or pandering or outright worship of the judges.. just some good ole fashioned humble pie. judges and people like it when you take this as an oppertunity, not an entitlement.

DON'T believe some of what you hear.. your family and/or karaoke pals mean well... (and in the host's case, it's required) to say nice things about your singing voice because they love you and see your passion and desire and don't want to break your heart by being honest with thier critisism. they can't help it.. they just love you.. and they'll lie to defend that love.

DO:take CONSTRUCTIVE critisism from people who know what they're talking about. get the advise of a vocal coach or someone who's heard a lot of singers who don't know you.. go to an open mike night,,, if you come home with lotsa drunken beer... you were great.. if you come home with beer all over you and stone cold sober.. not so much.

and last but not least.. (for now)

DO: take your rejection with your head held high, learn from it... grow if possible.. try again later. it just wasn't your year. ttake lessons and become a better singer.. or it as a challenge to become a better singer.. or even a songwriter.. we all have the muse.. some of us are behind the pen more then the microphone.

DON'T: please don't fight/bargin/keep singing till they drag your pathetic poorly sounding desperate ass out the door in the hopes that, while thrashing around in the security guard's arms, you hit your head and wow them with a fantastic pavarotti from inside at the last minute that causes them to suddenly like you. not gonna happen and you just end up looking like a classless loser. begging has never worked.
stating that you have 5 kids at home,one dying of lymphoma of the blowhole and the other 4 will beat you and lock you out of the house if you don't go to hollywood/toronto a winner NEVER works.. it makes you look pathetic and a whiner. you're a grown up.. show some dignity.

more tomorrow. i'm tired now

Current Location: going to bed
Current Mood: cynical
Current Music: "i am your brother:

December 18th, 2007

in memory of a normal man with christmas spirit.

12/18/07 08:20 pm

i did not know you Hunter Brown.. i didn't get the oppertunity to greet you on the sidewalk or come over to your house for christmas. i didn't get greetings or see you or your wife walk your dog every day for 30 years like those in your community. i wasn't your friend, grandchild, brother or neighbor.. but i'm angered and saddened at your death this past weekend.

Hunter Brown was a 74 year old man who lived a life like you and i did.. and went about his normal day to day.. just like you and i.. until he was senselessly beaten to death while handing christmas cards out to his friends and neighbors just a short distance from his home.

the perpetrator was said to be a man/boy 15-18 years of age with nothing better to do then to beat a kind hearted old man to death one winter afternoon.

and here comes the rant part....

WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE NOWADAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i don't expect the clock to roll back and for us to have the clean happy universe we had in the 40's and 50's.. we live in too complicated and fast paced a world for that... but C'MON.... this was just an old man delivering christmas cards.

what did he do to deserve to get beaten to death other then be in the right place at the wrong time????

this also goes hand in hand with today/s news story of a gun going off during a 15-20 student all out brawl.

again.. WTF?????? you can blame parents for some of it.. if parents actually took time from THIER busy lives to actually take an INTEREST in thier child.. thier child might not seek thier guidence from all those wonderful things that christian (and others) media says is wrong with the world..

if children could rely on thier PARENTS to teach them morals and valuses... there wouldn't BE a hole there that eminem or the oft maligned wrongfully mariyln manson or the T.V sitter would have to fill. they'd actually have PARENTS to show them by example other then just sitting them down in front of the T.V or Nintendo or x-box and hoping for the best.

the kids themselves have to shoulder some of this too.. it isn't JUST the T.V raised recluse who's gone off thier nut. we as friends and as teachers and ouraselves in the mirror have to pull our heads out of our asses and take some part of responibility for OUR shit too. i don't care HOW old you are.. or WHO you listen to... you have to know that beating someone to death is WRONG. there's no excuse.

(i have a seperate rant on parenting that's dying to come out soon too.. but later..)

in my job(s) i run into a LOT of people... some from all over the country.. so it's entirely possible i could have, at one point, spoken to Mr. Brown in one of my capacities.. and we would have talked about his wife, or his son or his holiday plans.. but now that's never going to happen.. that particular caroller has gone into that silent night. i did not know you mr. Brown and now i never will.

all that can be hoped for now is justice and closure.

God rest ye merry gentleman.

Hunter Brown
1933-2007
R.I.P

Current Location: contemplation
Current Mood: confused
Current Music: "it came upon a midnight clear"

December 14th, 2007

time to hit everyone up for christmas stuff

12/14/07 04:53 pm

okay.. i'm back. see??? i didn't lie to you. but now i''m gonna post my chrismas goody list.

dvd's:

batman beyond season 2:
alias rimbaldi box set.
justice league.. all of em.. i got nuttin
highlander the series
simpsons movie
dead zone seasons 1-5
tru calling season 2
anything else you know i might love.. i ain't all that picky

size 54 pants and size 4x shirts.

nintendo wii.
cash payments to my paypal account so i can buy comic books online.
comic book gift certificates.
future shop or bestbuy or anyplace i can buy dvd gift certificates.
ummmm the love of my family and firends.
the health of same.
archos mp3/video player (120 gig)

ummm... that's about it... and i KNOW there's some stuff in there i ain't gonna get but you don't know if you don't ask right??

i hope to see most/all of you at the karaoke gathering on the 21st at the kove and i'll prolly be doing an entry tonight or tomorrow to catch everyone up on what they've missed while i was gone.

take care and blessed be everyone.

shannon

Current Location: looking out on my weekend
Current Mood: cheerful
Current Music: "i'm goign home" by daughtry

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